


Flying the Coop, Smokin' the Dupe

by UltimateGamer101



Series: UG101's Undertale One-Shots [9]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Fresh did a thing, GET IN LOSER, Gonna get high and badly narrate people's lives, Recreational Drug Use, Seriff No Likey, Written for a friend <3, lets go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 04:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11050968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateGamer101/pseuds/UltimateGamer101
Summary: Seriff, being one of the youngest Sanses in the house, was often mothered by the other skeletons. However, sometimes they took this too far...





	Flying the Coop, Smokin' the Dupe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShadowFoxDemon27](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowFoxDemon27/gifts).



Enough was enough.

The Papyruses meant well, mostly, but they were being entirely too smothering. Granted, he was a newer arrival to the mansion, and he was significantly younger than most of his alternate selves while having just as many issues, but still! This Sans had been relatively alone for years, and he was perfectly able to take care of himself. He knew what his limits were. 

And his limits. Were NOT set. At his cigarettes. 

Enough was enough. Seriff could handle being tucked in every night like a child- who could say no to such a sweet Papyrus? He could take the blow to his pride that came from being coddled by Blueberry. Fuck, he could even deal with the snickers of amusement from the asshole versions of himself, those who called him "Armie" behind his back because he was fucking _missing his right arm_ , but taking away his cigarettes was the last straw.

Seriff had reached the limit of his tolerance, and he was no longer able to spend another minute in this house without blowing up.

So, without further hesitation, he went on ahead and stole Edge's car from the garage, and drove off towards the horizon. With the chosen horizon happening to be in the direction of the human city, he soon ended up parked off to the side of the road in front of a mostly deserted park, his skull to the steering wheel in distress.

"fuck, mate, I need a durry..."

A sharp rap on the other side of the car had him glancing up, slightly startled, but he relaxed at the sight of a friend from school. A fine sheila, she was, a tad more relaxed than their classmates.

"You look like you need a bit more than that, dude. Rough day?"

Mer, one of the girls who'd actually refrained from drooling over him like the rest of that bodgy slathering, was standing there with a lazy grin aimed in his direction. And no, he didn't mean a slathering like what you do with butter on bread, he meant a slut gathering- sausage hungry wenches all over the place, focused on him and several other professed 'hot' ones. Thankfully, there were a _few_ sane people around, and she was one of them.

"Bloody ace... Get in, loser. We're gonna get right high, and narrate people's lives."

Seriff watched as she climbed in the open window instead of using the door, and smirked to himself before pulling out of the parking spot and setting off down the road.

At the first red light, he reached into his jacket and pulled out an obviously self-made joint, placing it in his teeth and setting the tip alight with a snap of his fingers. After taking a nice and long drag of the thing, he held it out to the girl beside him, smirking in that way he did when he knew he shouldn't be doing something, but was going to do so anyway.

" 'Ere, have a pull."

Mer accepted the joint and took a deep inhale, giggling slightly when some of the smoke went out of her nose. The reputable life stories of many innocent people had just been doomed, sentenced to a cruel fate at the hands of two high teenagers...

* * *

"Hey, 'ey, lookit this one."

The two teens had come across someone in the car beside them on the highway, a stressed looking woman with two screaming children in the backseat. She looked as though she wanted to open the car door and dive out to escape them, but there was an air of resignation about her, one which coaxed forth the... sympathy... of the two.

"See, this lovely sheila 'as hit a bit of a rut recently. Y'know, missing her ex and all of that jazz. But hey, it's not gonna stay bad for long. After all, 'er aim is getting better!"

Mer snorted at the joke put into the narration, passing the joint back to him so she could speak.

"That was so bad!"

He accepted it, a small grin on his skull, as he winked over at his classmate.

"y'know you love it."

* * *

At some point, the two had switched seats, and now Mer was in the driver's seat. It'd been unofficially decided that whoever was in the driver's seat would tell the stories, so now it was her turn.

"Okay, that dude who's got all those dogs pulling him on his skateboard? Right now he's thinking about how awesome it'd be to get a burger, with like, a full spread of fries and condiments alongside it."

Seriff lifted a single bone brow at her, blowing a few smoke rings towards the backseat as she continued.

"And with that burger and those fries and condiments, he's also gonna get a large milkshake to go with it. Strawberry banana, with vanilla ice cream in it!"

The two stared at each other for a few seconds before bursting out in laughter, the tall Sans covering his mouth as he did so, the fiery-haired female banging one fist on the steering wheel as she did so. Eventually the giggles died down, and the joint was passed to Mer so Seriff could speak.

"y'know what I think? I reckon you've got a chocka hankering for some grub, and you're projecting onto that poor bloke back there."

Shifty eyes shifted left and right, as the joint was used to buy time.

"...noooooo."

The joint was reclaimed by Seriff, and he grinned again before pointing out something very obvious.

"You hesitated."

* * *

Seriff was driving again, back in the other direction. It was almost sundown at this point, and the two teens were currently stopped at a red light. There wasn't much daylight left to burn, but crossing the street before them, it seemed like a lovely old lady had chosen to put it to good use. 

Alas, this made her the target of their bad storytelling.

"Righ'. Ol' Mrs. Windham there is a martial arts champion, a fair dinkum master of karate in particular. I heard that the last purse-snatcher to target her is still in the hospital, and that she sends him get-well scones every now and then."

The joint was gone, sadly. It'd lasted a long time, being made of magic much like Seriff's cigarettes had been, but all things must come to an end. Now, the two teens were free to come down from their magical highs, hoping that the open windows would be good enough to get rid of the telltale stench.

"Poor guy still cries for 'is mum when he sees her picture, but I think things'll come good eventually. He's got rehab up ahead and everything! Soon, he'll be a model of society, with the lovely old lady holding his leash."

There was a beat of silence, in which the red light turned green, before both teens devolved into snickers of amusement one final time that day.

"Dude... do you know her? That sounds too real to be a story."

Mer glanced over at the driving skeleton, ready to analyze his response...

"Nah, most humans look alike to me. Never met 'er before in m'life."

...welp, _somebody_ here was good at this life narration thing. And yes, it was him.

* * *

Alas, with the sun finally setting, it was time to drop off his classmate and put an end to the fun day.

"Alrighty then. Cya soon, and feel free to teleport on over if those relatives of yours get overbearing again."

As Seriff pulled up to the park he'd picked her up by, the female climbed out of the window instead of using the door- again- and waved in farewell. He watched her retreating form for a few moments, before shaking his skull and switching gears, heading back onto the road home.

Now that he was alone with his thoughts again, the drive seemed long and boring. Fortunately, it wasn't _too_ long before he was turning into the garage and parking the stolen car. A real beauty it was, and as much as he disliked the aggressive mother henning of the Fell Papyrus, he appreciated his taste in vehicles enough not to trash it. The car would live to see the road another day.

Sauntering off into the house, he came face to face with the reason why he'd left- Fresh, holding his pack of cigarettes out with clear distaste- and he accepted it back graciously. Silently, the neon-clothed skeleton left the room, and Seriff continued onwards to the living room.

"OH, YOU'RE BACK! HOPEFULLY THE OTHERS WILL STOP PACING AROUND THE HOUSE IN WORRY NOW."

Ah, Blueberry. Innocence hiding a barbed tongue of adorable guilt-tripping.

Good thing Seriff was immune.

"sup seriff? ...erm... why do you smell like a small bag of bad decisions?"

Seriff took a sniff of the air around him, and shrugged. Unfortunately, before he could reply to the lazy Papyrus, there was a cry of outrage from a certain edgy Papyrus, and silence reigned within the house as he shouted his complaints for the world to hear.

"WHY DOES MY CAR SMELL LIKE DOG BISCUITS AND POOR LIFE DECISIONS!?! WHO THE FUCK EVEN TOOK IT TODAY!?!"

...

Seriff pointed towards the doorway nearby, a neutral expression upon his face.

"Welp, I just remembered something important I've got to be doing, and that thing is Not Being Here. Cheers."

With that, he walked off around the corner, and vanished into a shortcut. All in a day's work, my friend, all in a day's work.

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably really shitty but why not xD


End file.
